If you look at your natal chart and compare it to the charts of your immediate family (parents, siblings, etc) you will see patterns. Maybe one or two signs emphasized for everyone, or aspects between a certain outer planet to the inner planets of each person. These patterns are familial themes. You and your kin are the canvas on which an evolving astrological portrait is painted. With each generation, a new shade is mixed in, but some base colors remain the same.
You will probably see similar patterns in the charts of your partners. Lovers who are meant to play a significant role in your life will carry on that theme. This may not be fantastic news, especially if you’re trying to distance yourself from unhappy family dynamics. The reality is, people are drawn to those whose energy resonates with their childhood experience. But this doesn’t mean that you’re doomed to repeat your parents’ marriage. On the contrary, this is a chance to work through some of those dynamics.
The outer planets (Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto) represent universal issues. When they aspect an inner planet, those issues become part of your personal reality. Often, there will be one outer planet that aspects personal planets in all family members’ charts. The aspects, signs and inner planets may be different for each person, but the theme of that outer planet is a continuous thread.
Let’s say your father has a square between his Mars (action) and Saturn (limits). He’s used to hardship and frustration; he doesn’t expect things to come easily, and he’s worked for everything he’s achieved (while expecting minimal results). Your mother also has a Saturn square in her chart, but it hits her Mercury (communication). She wasn’t allowed to speak her mind when she was a child, and assumes that polite silence and restrained comments is the only way to go. They are drawn to each other for many reasons, but one of the things that resonates between them is the energy of restriction. You also have a square between Saturn and Mercury in your chart. Your sister has an opposition between Saturn and Venus. That theme of limits is passed down, and you learn to hold your tongue, while your sister learns that love is not freely given.
Chances are, any significant partner in your life is going to have a prominent, natal Saturn. You meet the woman you’ll eventually marry, and discover that she has Saturn in her 7th House of committed relationships. Saturn also features prominently in her family’s charts, and she carries its theme into her experience of partnership. She knows that relationships require hard work, but she also expects them to fail. And, she’s drawn to Saturn’s energy in her partners (you).
The two of you get married. You can trundle along on automatic pilot, following Saturn’s thread and repeating your family’s (and her family’s) issues. Maybe those issues aren’t so bad, but maybe you get trapped in the negative Saturn cycle: fear, repression and expectation of failure. The point is that your partner is your chance (just as you are her chance) to become aware of those issues, and find a different way of dealing with them. So you work on speaking up in your relationship, in spite of that dismissive voice (in your head) that says what you want to express is inappropriate or wrong. Your wife will probably understand your fears, because she’s had similar fears about relationships in general. But you both have the potential to tackle these issues with determination and commit (Saturn) to improving things. Together, the two of you can confront those barriers, because you’re companions in Saturn’s hard country.
Sign emphasis is a prompt for you to deal with the lessons of that sign. Let’s use Gemini and Virgo as an example. Your Sun (ego) and Mercury (communication) are in Virgo; practical details and absolute decisions are your friends. Your mother’s Sun and Mars are in Gemini. Her planets don’t make a mathematical aspect to your planets, but you still find her scattered way of approaching things to be flip and annoying (Virgo and Gemini square each other). You try to have a serious conversation with her, and she flutters off on a tangent. Your Dad’s Moon (needs) is in Gemini; he’s just impossible for you to understand, because he can never settle on one thing. Your brother’s Mercury is in Gemini; he doesn’t take anything seriously, and always has a clever retort for something you’ve said. Gemini is your sore spot, but not all Virgos experience Geminis as so supremely irritating. What gives? Gemini is on the cusp of your hidden 12th House (secrets, dreams and transcendence). Now it starts to make sense. Your family gets under your skin, because their planets activate your blind spot, and hit you where cut-and-dried solutions are ineffective. The theme of fluctuating choices and fast-moving information is something that you have to make peace with.
You become seriously involved with a man who has Gemini rising. You’re really into him, but his bright, flirtatious way of presenting himself rubs you the wrong way. He’s so glib. But is he really the problem? He’s continuing the Gemini thread, and challenging you to look more closely at your 12th House (where his AC falls). Why are you threatened by shifting options? What’s the worst thing that could happen if you were unable to pin down the details? There’s nothing that says you have to completely embrace Gemini energy (you are a Virgo, after all). But it’s worth examining the message that Gemini may have for you. And (incidentally) your partner’s mother has a Mercury/Mars conjunction in Virgo (that squares his Gemini AC). She’s always nagging him to be more decisive. So he has Virgo lessons to deal with (through you).
Like it or not, your family patterns are repeated in your choice of partners. This is partially because you’re drawn to what’s familiar, but it’s also an opportunity to work through long-running issues. Even if the relationship doesn’t last, partners who will play an important role are an extension of your family. And you are an extension of theirs.
Related: The Astrology of Marriage in the Royal Family
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About Nadia Gilchrist Nadia Gilchrist offers 15 years of experience in Evolutionary and Traditional astrology. Her writings and personal consultations focus on applying astrology and tarot readings with a clear, practical approach to the real world. Nadia blogs regularly at Ruby Slipper Astrology.
